I had a kid with a chick who I dated for a long time, but she was married when I got her pregnant. She only told her husband last year, the kid is now like 5 or something.
So I have a kid I’ll never meet or get to give christmat presents to.
But at least I got to fuck the shit out of that girl and her husband has to live with the fact that she was cheating on him for 4 years and his son isn’t actually his.
Well, my girlfriend of 6 years died from complications during childbirth, and fucking child services took my son, saying that I wasn’t fit to raise him. I would have given him everything I had if I knew where he was, but it turns out some redneck shits adopted him and he grew up like some poor white trash on a fucking farm. He never even knew I was his dad until I cut off his hand with my lightsaber and he fell off cloud city. Damn.
I was in a terrible bus accident when I was 18. My spine and several ribs were broken, and my uterus was pierced by a metal rod. I will never be able to have children.
I had an aunt, that I was really close to; she was this amazing female boxer. Anyway, she was injured in a fight, and she was paralyzed. So, you can imagine how sad I was… when I found out that she asked her manager to remover her breathing tube, so she could die.
Oh. And, umm… this is going to be the first Christmas without her.
A few years ago my family was on a safari in Africa. And my cousin Mufasa, was trampled to death by a pack of wildabeasts. And we all took it really hard… but, y’know.. happy Christmas, all.
I had an uncle who we called Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave and every once in a while, he’d eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.
I won the lottery earlier this week. I also found out that I have this genetic disorder that will keep me looking like I’m 27 years old for the rest of my life. And to top it off, this girl I’ve secretly loved for a long time just told me she loved me also. I even broke up with my two former girlfriends, Megan Fox and Salma Hayek, to be with her. Of course being the nice guy that I am, I let them have one last threesome with me before letting them go. So yeah, my Christmas sucked too.
Damn girl. I thought you were sexy from the comments, but now that I know you can’t get pregnant I’m so turned on I think this boner is about to flip the desk and break the monitor. I want to fuck the ever living shit outta you.
December 23rd, 2009 - 09:01
It’s under ‘best answer.’
Laughing so hard right now.
December 23rd, 2009 - 09:38
I think Herbert from Family Guy posted the question.
December 23rd, 2009 - 09:43
Doesn’t want much, does he? Greedy fucker. I’d be happy with a PS3.
December 23rd, 2009 - 09:57
This is horrifically depressing.
December 23rd, 2009 - 11:58
Well at theast this person got to know their kid.
I had a kid with a chick who I dated for a long time, but she was married when I got her pregnant. She only told her husband last year, the kid is now like 5 or something.
So I have a kid I’ll never meet or get to give christmat presents to.
But at least I got to fuck the shit out of that girl and her husband has to live with the fact that she was cheating on him for 4 years and his son isn’t actually his.
Merry christmas everyone :)
December 23rd, 2009 - 12:40
Well, my girlfriend of 6 years died from complications during childbirth, and fucking child services took my son, saying that I wasn’t fit to raise him. I would have given him everything I had if I knew where he was, but it turns out some redneck shits adopted him and he grew up like some poor white trash on a fucking farm. He never even knew I was his dad until I cut off his hand with my lightsaber and he fell off cloud city. Damn.
December 23rd, 2009 - 13:06
My cat has cancer.
December 23rd, 2009 - 13:18
oof, Merry Christmas.
That IS terrible …
December 23rd, 2009 - 20:42
i want more lego.
will you tell my parents if u see them in heaven?
December 23rd, 2009 - 21:47
@Grizz
Funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.
December 23rd, 2009 - 21:57
I was in a terrible bus accident when I was 18. My spine and several ribs were broken, and my uterus was pierced by a metal rod. I will never be able to have children.
December 24th, 2009 - 00:05
I had an aunt, that I was really close to; she was this amazing female boxer. Anyway, she was injured in a fight, and she was paralyzed. So, you can imagine how sad I was… when I found out that she asked her manager to remover her breathing tube, so she could die.
Oh. And, umm… this is going to be the first Christmas without her.
December 24th, 2009 - 01:46
A few years ago my family was on a safari in Africa. And my cousin Mufasa, was trampled to death by a pack of wildabeasts. And we all took it really hard… but, y’know.. happy Christmas, all.
December 24th, 2009 - 02:26
I had an uncle who we called Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave and every once in a while, he’d eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.
December 24th, 2009 - 09:44
I lol’d
December 24th, 2009 - 20:00
I won the lottery earlier this week. I also found out that I have this genetic disorder that will keep me looking like I’m 27 years old for the rest of my life. And to top it off, this girl I’ve secretly loved for a long time just told me she loved me also. I even broke up with my two former girlfriends, Megan Fox and Salma Hayek, to be with her. Of course being the nice guy that I am, I let them have one last threesome with me before letting them go. So yeah, my Christmas sucked too.
December 29th, 2009 - 17:47
@Lola
Damn girl. I thought you were sexy from the comments, but now that I know you can’t get pregnant I’m so turned on I think this boner is about to flip the desk and break the monitor. I want to fuck the ever living shit outta you.
February 24th, 2010 - 22:41
the comments are the best part